When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
