Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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