I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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