I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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