We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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