a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
