Tell her she can't have a vagina
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
