I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
