Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
