we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
