Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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