All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
