Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
