Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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