I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
