She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
