Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You're like the curious george of whores
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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