went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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