If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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