Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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