No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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