I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
