Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
