I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I have surprise drugs for everyone
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
