You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
