you win again, gameday.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
