Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
