I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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