ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
