Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
