We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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