Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
