im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
