he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
