party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
