You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Randomize
