I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
