I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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