I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
