Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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