You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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