We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
