yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
