Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
