Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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