so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
