I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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