real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Randomize
