I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
