Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
