you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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