He disabled his match.com account in front of me
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
