You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
