My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
